Multiple Personalities

Posted: November 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

Loving you is…Exhausting.

Exhilarating

breathtaking

like a thorn rose though the heart

piercing

ripping

warm lips, embraced by cold hands

your glance could kill, burn

slowly take a hold of my soul

split

crack

and crumble it

turn around and

lift it

love it

and enhance it

Love you is…splitting

personalities

formalities

realities

Caught up in your world

you’ve got me playing roles

switching

changing

growing

Mind tossed with my heart

thrashing

crashing

smashing

as high as I’m lifted

the harder you toss me

down

forcing my feet on the ground

and yet,

I continue

running,

stumbling

crawling

back to you

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Criminal Minds

Posted: November 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

Lately…

Lately I feel like someone else

I look in the mirror and see a familiar face

but one that’s not my own

It’s your eyes that stare back at me

the reflection of your struggles,

your pains,

your depression

the things I never noticed

never knew the assailant…

little did I know it was me holding the gun

pull

shoot

BANG

bullets filled with my struggles aimed at you

you dodge

I shoot again and again and
again

Taking my victim

Now I lay on the white outlined concrete floor of my own demise

Same bullets

only someone else is holding the gun.

10 minutes too late

Posted: November 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

I try not to think of you

it leaves me with an overwhelming feeling of guilt

a sense of selfishness too

but it’s true.

 

Not wanting to think of you

knowing it’s the thought of me

that made you run that day

a run that took you forever away

 

I was just 10 minutes too late

and less than 5 miles away.

 

You looked up one last time

as I called out your name

that image forever implanted in my brain

Your attempt to tell me it would all be ok

But still I prayed for you to stay

Even though I know, if you had…

it would’ve never been the same.

 

I try so hard to push out the thought of you

But the harder I try

the longer the thoughts linger

Making their bed in my soul

 

10 minutes too late

less than 5 miles away

I relive that moment more than I live today

trying to shave off minutes and seconds

thinking I could’ve been there

and you still here

 

I try hard not to think of you

staying away from the things that scream your name

I try and try

but it’s just not enough

So I give up.

Now I use your memory

as a sense of security, knowing your guiding my way

until one day when I can see you again

 

10 minutes too late

less than 5 miles away

and while you’re not here with me today

it’s your memory that pushes me every day.

Work still in progress

Posted: November 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

This is something I found in my journal and I’m not sure where to go with this. Or honestly, I am not sure if there is anywhere else to go with this. The size of it however is still bothering me LoL.

Traveling down a one way street
On a single lane Road
No Navigator to Guide me Thru 
My Cold Cobblestoned Roadway
With No light
To view the curves ahead
Desire Takes hold of the wheel
My will slammed on the Gas Pedal
Heart Driven Ambition
My 4 wheeled Sensibility 
Continues on….

My thoughts on…Change

Posted: November 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

Adapt to change? Is that possible when its ever existing…when its the pure common denominator of all of our lives. How do we hold on to one thought long enough to think it out. To truly absorb it, feel it, touch it, smell it, understand it. To allow it to roll from the thought to the action. It seems as though as soon as your body begins to do the walking your minds talking about the next step for a different direction..of a different path. So you end up at a stand still. Not knowing which direction to take, which step to make, which way you were headed.

Adapt to change? How do you adapt to something that’s constantly shifting… wouldn’t your adaption then also need to shift…so your changing your adaptation for each change you encounter? Seems rather exhausting. Its seems the only way to “adapt” to change is to “accept” change as a daily routine. To accept that your life will never be the same as the day before nor as the day after.

So nothing is constant…but our existence.

Undesired Adventure

Posted: November 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

This is actually an older piece. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor and our company has a yearly event to raise fund for Breast Cancer. This was a poem I wrote and dedicated to her at our very first Party for Pink.

Undesired Adventure

It’s been one thousand eight hundred and twenty six days

Since the moment she looked up and prayed

Asking for all of this to go away

 

The news had just been heard

And yet there they all were

Family and friends down on their knees

Asking God help her please

Already defeated by the news of this disease

Worried and afraid of the days to come

The pricks, the pulls, testing this, treating that…

Scared of what the outcome could be

 

But for her, the only thing she knew

was that she was determined to see this thing through

You see, she was competitive by nature

And was going to turn this into her own adventure

A quest filled with its highs and lows,

Good days and bad

Happy days and sad

And sometimes yes even sadder days

but she’d stay strong and tell everyone that she’d “be ok”

 

 

 

She would hold back tears

Not to promote fears

In those she holds dear

Choosing to smile

Rather than hide

Even through the times

When deep down inside

She’d rather just break down and cry…

 

One thousand eight hundred and twenty six days later

And her fight hasn’t been any easier

There’s still the ever present fear of what may come tomorrow

But she has never been one to wallow in her own sorrow

And while there is still the occasional prick, pull and scare

This Cancer better befuckignware

Cause she’s not going down without a fight.

 

So tonight, Titi…I would like to honor you

For having the perseverance to pull through

 

For coming out of the bad days

Stronger than you went into the good ones

 

For your ability to cope

And never lose hope

For your strength and determination to take on this adventure

And fight until the day there is finally a cure

Tonight I honor you and all your bravery

You have been ever bit inspiring

 

And for those days when the lows of your adventure

Are a bit too much to bear

I promise to be there

Cause you see…there was once this woman who took on an undesired adventure

But along the way taught me what it was like to be brave and strong

To fight and pull through

And that woman is you.

Maids day off

Posted: November 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

The art of affection

is mastering the art of paying close attention

But truth is,

I just don’t know you anymore.

We sit in a room allowing the bitterness to consume

and it’s a wonder how I was ever able to utter the words

I love you

Souls were bared and hearts were poured

dirty laundry was scattered across the floor

it’s a good thing the maid comes on Tuesday.

I wish I could write the words you speak across the sand

so the wind could lift them up and take them across the sea

and far the fuck away from me

but instead…

Instead they hang heavy on my soul

etched in my brain where they shall always remain.

Now left with nothing but the bitter taste of wasted time

and that one moment

I was pleased to call you mine,

it’s time I leave this place I once called home.